Degas Star of the Ballet

Degas Star of the BalletDegas Dancer with a Bouquet of FlowersDegas Café Concert - At Les AmbassadeursDegas Before the Rehearsal
You may remember your days as being filled with beer and, well, not remember much else (those facts might be related). In what could possibly be the greatest food-crossover since we started developing a candy bar that also makes your penis larger, some Rice University students in Texas are working on a beer that battles cancer and heart disease. While their "Cancer Beer" may not be as marketable as our new Reese's Penis Better Cups, (coming soon!), it's probably slightly more useful in the grand scheme of things.
The "BioBeer" is genetically designed to contain cancer-combating chemical resveratrol. While any tins of the actual brew are still a long way off, as you may have noticed from the lack of "Nobel Prize Awarded to Students" headlines, the team is currently engineering the special yeast strain which will produce both resveratrol and ferment sweet, sweet booze. The end result will fight cancer, reduce the risk of heart disease and, most importantly, get you drunk. For a social group who stereotypically don't believe in heaven, scientists sure are working hard to get us there.